I have been hijacked by life for six months. This is very scary since the person who missed me the most was me. Isn’t it crazy how life challenges put us into this survival zone where time both stands still and roars past us. It feels like the “to do list” on steroids. No excuses just my mind’s fast paced rendition: First my husband went t0 Iraq and Bolivia, as well as a few local trips totally something like six weeks, then I planned, ( that take a few weeks at least ), and went to New York. Now I have to mention that I happen to be flying on the day that there was a once in a century “nor easter”. Halfway there, my friend and I had to deplane and retrain, (Amtrak ), arriving in crazy snow. I mean blinding, frozen, no taxis, ski slope in vermont weather. This is just a reminder that I have knack for being presented with the most unusual circumstances. As always, I have the awesome opportunity to express my talent for exposing my extreme humanness. For example, I chose, for no logical reason to wear a long flowing skirt appropriate for a funky fun dinner party. It would not appear in the LL Bean catalogue for warm winter wear. The upshot, it froze around my legs making it impossible for me to drag my bag with the frozen wheels. Fortunately it provided my friend with a hilarious and long standing memory. I have chosen to file the event in that category myself.
On sadder note, my mother fell and broke her hip. Although she is strong and healing, her mind is softly drifting into a hazy day where one just can’t make out the details. For me it feels like falling over an edge with no idea as to when or how I will land. It is just like that storm sending sharp little icicles into my cheeks. I can’t make it go away, or go back, or even shut my eyes and tell myself that I am making it up in my imagination. As a matter of fact, no one can make it go away. This is the truth of human experience for every single one of us, no lucky free passes. It is the experience of life which causes people to say, ” life is short”,” live each day as your last”, ” time moves faster every year”, or more recently, ” be mindful, live in the moment”.
Okay, now what do we do with this oh so overwhelming truth? How is it possible for self-care, daily details, and the really big stuff that can appear unexpected out of no where. SINCE, I have learned by default, I want to share my thoughts. Living this connected meaning existence sounds so amazing, until, my work clients cancelled, my house needs expensive new drainage, both of my kids need extra funds for expensive supplies, my engine light goes on while I am in too much my traffic to make it to my yoga class on time. I don’t know how many of those moments I feel motivated to savor one by one. Truth, back to one of my previous blogs, the choice is unconscious, conscious or worried. We can live in our heads, out of our heads, or in our hearts.
Living in our hearts isn’t as strange, impractical or esoteric as it sounds. I know I often thought it would really work, if we lived in a beautiful place, with a few friends and no need for money. It actually requires nothing exceptional except a real and kind relationship with ourselves.