I have been hijacked by life for six months. This is very scary since the person who missed me the most was me. Isn’t it crazy how life challenges put us into this survival zone where time both stands still and roars past us. It feels like the “to do list” on steroids. No excuses just my mind’s fast paced rendition: First my husband went t0 Iraq and Bolivia, as well as a few local trips totally something like six weeks, then I planned, ( that take a few weeks at least ), and went to New York. Now I have to mention that I happen to be flying on the day that there was a once in a century “nor easter”. Halfway there, my friend and I had to deplane and retrain, (Amtrak ), arriving in crazy snow. I mean blinding, frozen, no taxis, ski slope in vermont weather. This is just a reminder that I have knack for being presented with the most unusual circumstances. As always, I have the awesome opportunity to express my talent for exposing my extreme humanness. For example, I chose, for no logical reason to wear a long flowing skirt appropriate for a funky fun dinner party. It would not appear in the LL Bean catalogue for warm winter wear. The upshot, it froze around my legs making it impossible for me to drag my bag with the frozen wheels. Fortunately it provided my friend with a hilarious and long standing memory. I have chosen to file the event in that category myself.

  On sadder note, my mother fell and broke her hip. Although she is strong and healing, her mind is softly drifting into a hazy day where one just can’t make out the details. For me it feels like falling over an edge with no idea as to when or how I will land. It is just like that storm sending sharp little icicles into my cheeks. I can’t make it go away, or go back, or even shut my eyes and tell myself that I am making it up in my imagination. As a matter of fact, no one can make it go away. This is the truth of human experience for every single one of us, no lucky free passes. It is the experience of life which causes people to say, ” life is short”,” live each day as your last”, ” time moves faster every year”, or more recently, ” be mindful, live in the moment”.

 Okay, now what do we do with this oh so overwhelming truth? How is it possible for self-care, daily details, and the really big stuff that can appear unexpected out of no where. SINCE, I have learned by default, I want to share my thoughts. Living this connected meaning existence sounds so amazing, until, my work clients cancelled, my house needs expensive new drainage, both of my kids need extra funds for expensive supplies, my engine light goes on while I am in too much my traffic to make it to my yoga class on time. I don’t know how many of those moments I feel motivated to savor one by one. Truth, back to one of my previous blogs, the choice is unconscious, conscious or worried. We can live in our heads, out of our heads, or in our hearts. 

Living in our hearts isn’t as strange, impractical or esoteric as it sounds. I know I often thought it would really work, if we lived in a beautiful place, with a few friends and no need for money. It actually requires nothing exceptional except a real and kind relationship with ourselves.

Wow. I am feeling like a rockstar!!!! The comments that I have been receiving have put me in me in an altered state of humility and gratitude. Keep in mind that I was born, raised, educated, and travelled through my twenties in the greater New York City area. With no disrespect, many New Yorkers have the affliction of cynicism and skepticism. I am not proud or ashamed about this, it is just a fact. Facing this issue has given me spiritual fuel. I am %100 sure that this is the primary reason that the universe sent me to Houston. Sorry, that was cynical wasn’t it? Still a human being I am. The reason that I have told you all of this is that when I say I am blown away, I really, really, really mean it. Thank you, it is my greatest hope to allow my journey to be helpful to a fellow traveller. My dream is to connect my heart to another. There is even a little monkey, ( cute not one of those scary chimpanzees that have turned on their owners ), running all around my brain saying that maybe I could write a book… That statement must have made me a little anxious, I just had an image of the most beautiful designer cupcake. Who knew that the path to self awareness would be filled with reruns of the show, “Cake Wars”. Never mind that, it is a food channel show all about making cakes that look the entire city of Paris.  Anyway……….my sincere gratitude for your time, inspiration, and appreciation. I am delighted.

Back to bikinis, when on my Dominican Republic trip, I had another amazing revelation. This discovery is totally related to my Yoga self-love way of the world. There were many beach goers who look liked real people with actual lives, wearing the truth about their bodies. I did wonder whether the extreme comfort zone that I participated in had anything to do with the fact that this beach was inhabited by visitors from many cultures. But ….. what I felt was acceptance, not objectification or alienation. I felt many men and women were connected, to each other, to themselves to the beauty that surrounded all of us. They were not self-conscious or unconscious. Surely, if we are in our heads, judging the size of our___________, we aren’t in the moment of the sea air, glistening water and soothing sun. Our minds with all of the self doubt and comparisons take us from the the most beautiful beaches of the world to the blacktop of a used car dealership in Bayonne New Jersey, or any black smokestack industrial town. Life, beauty and love, happens in the present, in our present flawed, genetically influenced, aging, precious selves. We can accept hugs, love and laughter, only if we are brave enough to be okay with the whole enchilada of who we are right now including our bodies and yesterday’s cupcakes.  Change, healthy personal best is good, but not the requirement for love and joy. I work on the journey of realistic personal best %75 of the time. It is where I am at now, (I do have little love handles and a bit of a belly which I don’t suck in when I wear my bikini., today’s version, maybe I will renovate in the future with tenderness ).

I am vey excited, my baby boy who some how became twenty-one and six foot one yesterday is in town. We are going to his favorite french restaurant. I plan on eating the amazing bread,  drinking the delicious wine and not asking for the french chef to put a drop of any deliciousness on the side. I hope that I have room for dessert. I know that I will be energetic and carbo loaded for my 10AM interval class. I love feeling like an athlete !!!!! It is so great to be connected with my family, my food, my self love, and me. I wish the same for you.

I actually wrote the second half of my previous blog., and somehow with my brilliant technical skills I sent it to a cyber planet that hasn’t been named as of yet. Oh well, just a pebble in my shoe…

Let’s get back to the lesson that I was referring to. More time has passed and I have learned more. My first discovery happened on my outrageously spectacular trip to Puna Canta. To my utter amazement, I decided to wear a bikini for the first time in fifteen years. I made a firm commitment to not ask my husband on this twenty fifth anniversary trip if I looked fat. After about fifteen years together, I realized that this is not a relationship building question. How crazy to ask about something when there is no right answer, EVER!.

My new found freedom to walk out proud and tall,( my best 5′ 31/2” stance) in my new suit came from what yogis call,”On the Mat”. I take yoga class several times a week. I have always liked yoga, but I am not one of those quadruple balancing Cirque du Soleil performers. Now that word performer is critical at this moment. Ninety percent of the classes that I have taken the teachers refer to “releasing your ego”.  Honestly, I have been baffled and a bit cynical about this Tibetan Monk suggestion. Baffled as the concept of “ego strength” is seen in psychology as a valuable trait which allows us to weather the punches that life delivers. Cynical, as it is hard not to be impressed with a head stand. What about a hand stand? To be absolutely authentic, I feel pretty proud when I can do a head stand in close proximity to a wall.

What gives?? I actually had this one brilliant lightening strike. I realized that ego is about performance, perfect/not good enough, not as good as…/being better than…, judgement, self-doubt, and even arrogance. The release of ego is not some vast, open, white space. It is a sweet connection to yourself. The caring compassionate relationship that allows for change, commitment and honest joy. I am so serious, I have improved my yoga practice by letting myself fall with a loud whop, and be thrilled when I can hang out in a balance. I actually quietly say to myself, “You are doing a good job, I am with you no matter what”. A chocolate moment or  weekend is just that, and a few organic days feels like my head stand. Change comes from listening and caring for myself, not being a cold hearted journalist who observes my weakness, recommending cruelty and rigidity. It is once again a new version of my strongest belief, life is better when you know that your heart has compassion and trust, even for yourself. Simple, still not easy. It requires many reinforcers, DAILY time to listen to yourself, reminders like sticky notes, ( even on your steering wheel ), friends who get you, inspiration on your laptop, displaying your desire to do or don’t do….what you truly deserve. Even hire a coach, or trainer who is with you every step of the way. I do it all. Your life can be a train wreck at this moment, but is entirely possible to be happy being you.

The bikini epilogue: No one asked me if I was a fitness model. I did have some great conversations, laughed a lot, felt the sun on my face, and loved being me. I wish that for you too, you deserve it.

Hi, it seems that I really want to post more often, but as taught in the wellness coach  curriculum, “Under promise and over deliver”. I am now going to accept that I would really like to live this way as much as possible, which reduces stress and helps my commitment to healthy choices. Hence, a perfect example of my personal plan to decrease the stress that I create for myself ! I like that, it actually allows my yoga class to be more effective to help me live from the inside out… decrease the stressful situations and stories that I tell myself about life. I am beginning to live, not just believe that life situations in and of themselves do not have to lead to panic, the conclusion that I am inept, and that my life will tumble into the toilet. If I really allow myself to be okay and even happy when life is sucky, ( my new word learned from my friend’s daughter ). I am not driven to eat sugar, shop or disappear into busyness. Please feel free to fill in the blank for yourself…. My friend, the mom of the above linguist reminds me, ” It is what it is “, no need for analysis, self incrimination or resentment. Who doesn’t want to run from those internal breaking points. Acceptance, pure , simple and incredibly difficult.

Now for my vacation lesson and birthday gift to myself : RADICAL ACCEPTANCE !!! Please allow me to expain.

My life feels as if it has been the screenplay for one of those ridiculous movies, where an ordinary person is skipping along doing the daily list of the moment and then….A regular “gal” picks up the wrong bag and her life is filled with outrageous twists and turns, intrigue and the insanely unexpected. Well, maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but I have been on tour with a musical of sorts that is based on the true nature of what is vs. what I think will occur. The good news is that I have been learning a whole lot and I am super excited to start to get it on paper.

First a quick synopsis of the unexpected challenges; this is more of a list, not an  exact historical account. I like this CSI tone, fun right? I was in a car accident, and fractured my hand. Now that was fairly awful, but I had an x-ray taken at a “doc in the box,” and was told that I simply inflamed my arthritis. Lots of pain, but I believed him without a doubt. My hand was on fire. I couldn’t type on the computer, do yoga or even get dressed easily. It hurt like mad, but I didn’t trust my gut and trudged on. Finally, I admitted to myself, “This much suffering cannot be healthy .” I went to a hand specialist and guess what, my hand was fractured. I ignored my intuition, my heart, my feelings. I realized that no matter what the circumstances, this is never okay. I was surviving, coping and neglecting myself. I gave up on some of my meditation time, my need for sleep, and started bargaining about what is healthy food. I wanted to jump out of my own skin, but I had no place to go. The very feeling that I have been trying to focus on in my previous blogs. This is the land of triggers and running, with sugar, food, money, cigarettes, alcohol, sex …………… Then it hit me like a bushel of rocks. Once again the concept of  stress is about what can bring us down. BUT, it is not the event, challenge, or the fractured wrist, it is the story that we tell ourselves about what happened. My novella went something like this : “Now my life is going to get really hard, I will have to give up many things that I love doing. I will get depressed since I can’t take care of myself in the ways that I have come to rely on and need. There is no amount of sleep that will provide restoration. When energy goes, then, we lose direction, self-care, and last of all, hope.” No hope means, “I don’t care.” The essence of self-sabbotage and destructive behaviors. The truth is that we care very much. It just can really hurt when life is hard. Of course we want to run away, even if it is for just a moment, a sip or a bite. Sitting with my scariest of places, the fear of the unknown when life is providing, lemons, limes, viruses, rocks, floods and hurricanes, etc…… Is just that, sitting. The answer is hard, but simple. What I am learning to do is simply reminding myself that I have made it this far, AND this is what I know to be true…For me that means basic health, food a house and love to give and receive . It may sound way too “woo woo”. Esoteric, new age etc., but there are no guarantees for ANY of us. This is what we have got. We also can ask for help with a problem, not from the inanimate stuff, the things, substances, premiere escapes, but a person who has signed up for the job. In my case, a gallant talented, adorable hand Doctor was exactly what gave me the hope that all will be alright.  The arthritis thing, just a frequent pain in the butt. It will be okay.
Next chapter is coming sooner than later, I went to the Dominican Republic. Of course it was glorious, but I learned some amazing lessons to find self love in bikini

Hi , I know that I have been away for quite awhile AGAIN!!!! So I am trying to figure out what is happening to me. I am frequently writing this blog. in my head. Now where is my projected change to have more success in this area? I find myself waiting to have just the right time to sit down, fully inspired, no other business to distract me. Once again, I am facing my perfectionism, and desire to arrive at a calm point in my fully loaded adventuresome , unpredictable life. The nature of being alive means experiencing fluctuating, incalculable, occasionally whimsical events. I know, I know , I know, there is no point of arrival, only the journey. Actually, I teach this very truth to lots of folks. Us humans need to be reminded about this, frequently, daily, and with a new venture, constantly. I am reminding myself right now that I will commit to writing in this blog, no less than once a week, even if that means patiently communicating from my iphone in a noisy airport. I do prefer a meager attempt over numerous guilty thoughts.

Back to where I was. As an  aside, I am aware that my font just changed. It must be my conflictual relationship with electronics, and I have decided to move on without pushing any more icons or buttons. This is  an example of my belief that there always is a plan B! Before the distraction, I wanted to return to my focus on comfort that is real not just an escape into sugar wine, internet shopping etc. What has manifested in my life is  that I need to stop my list, get comfy and do something that is fun not productive. Shamelessly, I have been roped in by the Dragon girl tattoo books, ( I know a little too violent ), the ridiculous show, “Fame”, and the usual, HGTV. It works if I can stop the mind clutter. My recents thoughts,  ”the flowers in front of the tree aren’t getting enough water”, “I have got to hang my daughter’s amazing print, I have had it for almost a month”, “Do I have time for a yoga class before I leave town tomorrow, ( is that the advanced class? )”,” I better call CVS and cancel that prescription”,”I need to write my friend who moved to England”, “I am going on a vacation and have to shop for a bathing suit, (yuck)”…..Need I go on?? COMFORT IS SHUTTING THIS DOWN AND BEING RIGHT HERE NOW. I think I may have mentioned this mindfulness practice before. This is how it goes, thought, come back to the present/ breathe, thought, come back to the present/breathe, thought and on and on and on. I promise that some days are easier. My problem with the use of my drug, (sugar), is that I want to zone out from my very own original frame by frame series of STRESS. I am the writer, the director, and the producer. I need to zone out from me. Who was that who said, ” I have meet the enemy and it is me. “?  Now what? Honesty and a plan to make progress. I will stop in my tracks when I am aware of the monkey mind, stop when I feel exhausted and want an easy, if only momentary way out, ask my self what I am feeling if I start seeing images of cakeballs.  This plan needs to be more specific. I will do this one time during the day, and one time at night every day. I will jot down a thought or two in a little notebook that I will have with me most of the time. The project is to listen, stop, write, breathe and not zone out into sugar or any other quick fix that my incredibly cleaver mind can create. Amazing, I started this blog., thinking that I was addicted to sugar as it was a reward and a band-aid during my childhood. I will be back sooner to let you know what I discover. I am planning on a few victories, ( at least until I get the new bathing suit. I would love to hear from you, especially if you have a personal version of this roller coaster ride. I am right there with you!

Hi, I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to read the blog. I love all kinds of comments to make this a  journey that creates change not just a few interesting ideas. Personally, I have read more than I care to admit about all the aspects of healthy living. I don’t know about how books of this sort affect you, but often think that some authors are wise and even motivating. I even know a few as friends. I am so ready to do the entire list of what generates health, wholeness, balance, spirituality,  personal success and……………Then, I become a soap opera amnesiac. I ask myself, ” What happened to those great ideas “. I actually love to meditate, but I still need to put a meditate post-it on my mirror.I realize once again that my head cannot change my heart. It is my job to listen to my heart, not offer advice. Well, this whole explanation is simply meant to offer you my heart path, not my advice. Also , the title of this blog is borrowed from Echart Tolle from his books on living in the present. I do want that and need to refer to some of his teachings quite often to get it to translate to a few precious moments. I am actually getting better at this. I am attracted to simple, although difficult, not complicated and overwhelming.

Now the nitty gritty. I returned from my road trip last Saturday evening. First and foremost, I had a lot of fun. It want’t even the New Orleans who cares about consequences experience. I went out on 6 different occasions, including 2 amazing Italian Restaurants. Of course these delicious establishments are experts in meals filled with dairy, fat, gluten, salt, and eventually sugar. Those nights, I gave myself a 30% goal. Some of the other times, I brought up my commitment to 60%. Throughout the rest of the week, I bumped it up to 70%. I also managed to go to one spinning class, have one session on the elliptical, and go to a challenging yoga class. The fitness part of my life feels harmonious during this chapter. I am available to help out with componenet if you are interested (-: .

Okay, what did I discover? I realized that I actually enjoy the devil may care attitude. I had to negotiate hard with myself not to just zone out, do anything and everything that I wanted to do with the promise of addressing the damage whenI returned home. This has been my theme song, except the outcome typically costs me self-esteem, well being and provides me with a supersize portion of guilt. How did I manage to redirect? First, I had to accept that this was going to be harder than lectures that I have given to 100 people, ( I am as serious as a hurricane when I say this ). I had to face that I can allow travel as a time to use sugar for energy, escape and entertainment for solo me. I hate that!!!!! Then I wrote and rewrote my committment to myself. I shared my intentions with a friend. I took recesses from eating events to be alone for a few minutes. Recognize that a meal is over when a meal is over. I worked on ending fun days to get some good rest, ( I like to be the last to leave a party). To be completely honest, I think I had to do more for this project than to complete some assignments in Graduate school. The bottom line is that this is hard for me, requires a lot of support, necessitates patience, and have to be continually reminded that this is a journey with detours and gravel roads.

Now, what is next? I will write down what worked for me during a demanding food excursion. The tools included; deciding on a realistic percentage for each meal, be conscious vs. spaced out, allow each eating experience to have a beginning middle and an end. Once a commitment has been made, the jury has decided on a verdict, no appeals allowed. Please remember that this is a very advanced level of behavioral change for me. Keep in mind how you can define this for yourself.

Relief and onward… My next task is to work on FINALLY nurturing, relaxation, and reward without any sugar or recreational food. Not easy, but I am ready. I discovered that I need to end my doing, list check offing, extra phone calling etc., to give myself a chance to relax while doing very little. My husband is very good at this , he tells me that he needs to give his brain a rest. Now that is a humongous goal for me. So far, I have discovered a book that am eager to get back to. I have learned how to use netflicks for interesting foreign and independent films. I don’t have a tevo, but I can record a few ” guilty pleasures” TV shows. I am not ready to reveal anything on television that I actually watch, but I am sure I will be brave enough to do this very soon. This is not a sophisticated list to assist in deepening my self- actualization. Then again, eating chocolate and ice cream has not been a memorable spiritual experience. At least there has got to be a dramatic difference in making this change  for my mind and body. I will let you know vey soon. Until then be well and please be in touch.

Once again, I have been missing. The truth is that I have been traveling more than I usually do, some fun, some work, usually a combo of the two. Actually, I was in New Orleans at Mardi Gras time. This was quite a challenging experience. New Orleans can be a city to experiment with reckless abandon. Mardi Gras is this desire on steroids. Perfect, if you want to rationalize any troubling consequences associated with either drinking too much, eating too much or the prized combo plate. Flashback to my previous post regarding my irrational attachment to eating sugar rich treats, ( not honestly a food ), and a wellness plan to work with numbers for a change. Remember, this is about sugar for me, but definitely is about any behavior that hangs on with cat’s claws even with your very best intention to change. Often a situation that can be appropriately described as “Being Stuck”or “Again….”. It also an relate to the opposite, one of my personal favorites, commonly known as being in college or the adult version, procrastination.

This unexpected trip compelled me to want to just give up and start over when I return. I didn’t like that option since it seemed all to familiar to me. I can be attracted to that black or white, all or nothing choice making. I actually like my life as well as my friends, so deleting a social existence in order to change was feeling un fun and like an impulse that suggests that I can control the universe ( or at least my personal planet ). Have you ever tried to control your life, really a stressful occupation. I have never been able to get any kind of cooperation from people, the post office, my level of energy, viruses, or Southwest, to name a few. So now what??? I have chosen a new less defined path, which allows for flexibility, honesty, compassion, success and failure. This is how it has been looking for me, recreational eating, ( trips, vacations, weekends etc. ), can include wine bread, delicious food, and perhaps dessert. The clincher for me is that the experience, the meal, the occasion has to have a beginning, middle and an end. Then I want to move on to healthy, nourishing,  mostly sugar free fuel. I will be honest with myself and refer to a realistic number for the experience. For example weekday at home, 90%, a dinner in New Orleans 60%. This method belongs to each us, we realistically define an expectation for personal best. then commit to it.   At this moment, this week, this day, fuel is just right. I have daily challenges, but I am cool. I don’t mean to insinuate that I am done perfect or free of impulse. I am just comfortable doing my food weight training for the days to come. Next week, I am taking a road trip which once again involves work, play, New Orleans and my mother’s 86th birthday. She loves cake by the way. Be in touch.

I have not forgotten about working on ways to comfort with out too much external requirement. Is taking me longer than I planned. I would love any suggestions that you can create.

I have been seriously  MIA. The truth is that I have not been abducted or become a fugitive. Although, I cannot deny it, the fugitive idea can appear very attractive at times. I do not think that it would work as healthy stress management. Actually, I have allowed life to hijack me. You know the busyness, the last minute errands, the calls to the overly solicitous imaginary lady phone machines. Now that I have no more kids at home, I have become tossed into a sea of all the things I need to do, the things I want to do, maybe what I should do and actual life outside of my head. Then there are real people who I love, I connect with and the amazing clients that I am able to guide. Also, there is life speak, the door that won’t lock without a full wrist drill, the two many blown light bulbs, ( must be an electrical issue), Pablo tossed his diet cat food on the rug twice, ( ate a plant ? diet induced bulimia?Just a long haired cat issue?…), the oil light in my car has been on for way too long and I just realized that my registration is passed due. Well this is the stuff that never stops. So, I won’t let my life get eaten up by it and if errands have been a serious career for you , I would love to help you switch gears too! 

How does all of this chaos relate to my previous blog?? Actually in every possible way. I wrote about my desire to feel healthier and less preoccupied by giving up refined sugar foods. Then I shared how I wanted to create comfort and fun without these highly engineered addictive little gremlins. I really really meant it. Actually there are folks who, “when they put their mind to it”, change. That percentage is miniscule. The rest of us have to go step by step, no perfectionism, just small successes, and the true art form of picking ourselves up with compassion and the mindset of growth not failure. This is simple, but can be more challenging on an emotional level than getting an advanced degree. That is because change has more to do with our hearts than our heads. Information can be acquired, clean, clear and safe. Our hearts argue, feel deprived, struggle, feel inadequate, and long to be lovable. This actually applies to all sorts of changes that each of us wants to make, but experience struggle. I know this from my own life and the lives of many of my clients. It just doesn’t happen because it makes sense. I have not met a cigarette smoker who said, “why didn’t you tell me that smoking was bad for me, I would have quit!” It is in our very nature as human beings that we hate change and can barely tolerate what is unknown. This is incredibly unfortunate as change is constant, and no one has the future down. The result; we get really anxious or self-critical or give up. The first challenge, expect to be a human being with set backs. The most profound accomplishment of all is accept that change is hard, we will falter, and deserve loving support to get back up again.

Now how does this apply to real life and me? The very reason that I am doing this blog is to be a role model for honest, difficult compassionate change in my own life. I don’t want to be another “expert” who gives out great facts, but doesn’t help to make them work when the rubber hits the road. Like I have said, no amount of information will be the consistent force to strengthen your resolve to turn down the new road of the better behavior for you. I do want you to know that I have created some healthy long standing life affirming changes. I would be remiss as a guide if I hadn’t been climbing this mountain of life, health and lovingkindness for a while. There is always, always more to do.

The nuts and bolts, S.M.A.R.T. goals. Wellcoach speak for specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely goals. Okay, I have shared that I want to greatly reduce my consumption of refined sugary foods, ( chocolate, ice cream, cupcakes….). My baseline, what I have achieved, is essential to assist in my developing my belief that this change is possible for me. 80% of the time I also eat wholesome nutritious foods, exercise 6 days a week, and drink lots and lots of water. Now it is your turn to list 3 accomplishments. These strong points could be about any part of your life, parenting, work, creative outlets. It is more that okay to be proud and honest.

The beginning of this chapter of my journey: Specific: I would like to reduce my “Sugar Treats”, to two social occasions per week. Measurable: Five days a week, if I want to treat myself with food, I will eat fruit, nuts, a protein shake or a low-carb bar. Attainable: feel possible to me since I have food options and a plan for social events. Relevant: I am working on this change at this time because sugar causes inflammation, ( I have joint pain ), and the impulsive negotiator talks to me way too much. You know what I mean, ” Just have a bite  you deserve it…”. Timely: I want the energy and emotional freedom from an inanimate substance, and I want it Now!!

So now you have it. I will post often as this is a daily and often an hourly process. Please join me in the places that you want to transform. Send me anything and everything about you, I am walking along side of you.

I haven’t forgotten that I would like to incorporate non-comforts into my life as well. That will be my next mission!  

One week has passed, and I feel as if I have been around the world in 80 days. For those of you who have no idea about what that is, it was a movie that came out when I was a kid. Actually, I went to New Orleans, where I visited my mother and brothers et al, and then to Hattiesburg Mississippi, where I work twice a month. Now remember my tumultuous relationship with sugar and how I decided that we were over for good? Well in the controlled laboratory of my kitchen, I was happily dating my Salmon veggie plate. I cannot eat my 21 year old son’s ice cream without the experiencing the recrimination of stealing candy from a baby. Trust me that is my issue, not his. I just loved that feeling of being focused on what is in the best interest of my well being. I enjoy using all the knowledge about how sugar ravages our cells, energy, psyche, and good nutrition. Since our bodies have not evolved past fruit, vegetables, meat, poultry, fish, seafood, nuts, seeds and whole whole grains, all the other stuff actually takes from us and gives us very little. Godiva is a poser friend and Ben and Jerry are commitment phobs.. In the morning, we are left feeling empty and alone. That is the nutritional truth. All that knowledge actually comes from a completely different part of the brain than, “we want what we want when we want it”. This same conundrum even applies to shoes, electronics, gaming and a fine glass of red wine. Clearly, I am only referring to the times when one makes the decision to change for energy , health, clarity, creativity, self-love…. Social fun choices DO NOT BELONG in this conversation. I do not believe in a boring life.

Now back to me and my ginormous, non-Buddhist attachment to all things sweet. I am sailing along feeling fortified with all that heady knowledge, and clean success. Life is good. I leave home, my mother plans a holiday like dinner. Her house has more cookies, cakes, candy, ice cream and all the things chocolate than a first world’s child’s fifth birthday. Looks like battle, what do I have for ammunition? Knowledge, Sugar is not good for me. That was a five minute bullet. Next, I have a blog. and I need to be a role model. A little stronger here, about forty five minutes of cover. Focus on people, not food. I love my family but….sorry guys. My inner five year old said to me , ” This is Candyland and I want to play.” Of course she got her way. Did I beat us both up, hang my head and try to blame my 85 year mother. Maybe for a minute. Then I realized that I am on a quest for self-love and compassion, and this was my first opportunity to be role model for my core belief about how this world can be a better place.

Falling down happens, just like a beating heart. The choice we all have is to accept and love ourselves which creates hope. new beginnings and a truly solid chance for success. The old mean way creates stress, which pushes our brain to look for comfort and escape, and if chocolate does it, here we go again. Be kind. be gentle, love yourself for not being boring and better than everybody else. We are on the same team. It is actually more fun feeling lovable than obsessing about one of those amazing cupcakes from the Magnolia bakery.

My next project will be working on non-food, non-money, ways to comfort, relax, and just chill.